regrets

Wow. Its been a while since someone has pushed my buttons like that. I mean, there are some things you should be upset about - this was not one of them. But you should never be disrespectful and I think I crossed that line. Maybe.

Here is the thing - I think I'm a passionate person. I have a tendency to talk with my hands, my face, my voice. Wait, before you say "Jack, you're an idiot" - communication is 80% non-verbal. Some of us have very well developed and expressive means of communicating. Others are more subtle. There are times I wish I were more subtle. Here is an example of a high intensity moment that I refer to... (this is not me)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pFlcqWQVVuU

Because someone poked me about my football team. Typically, I shrug it off, let it go. But today I didn't. Today I goofed. I didn't goof because I reacted, but I goofed because I forgot myself and became expressive. My non-verbal cues showed just how...unhappy... I was. And I'm sorry.

Many relationship experts understand that one important trick (that comes more naturally to some than others) is when someone greets you with a particular amount of anxiety, you respond with less or equal intensity. But someone like me, when greeted with something displeasing (a snarky comment about a particular coach hire) but in low intensity, I "explode" to a higher level of intensity. Somehow I learned this trick in my family - I get it honestly. This explosion gets a range of reactions. The dangerous, and often horrid side effect of my high intensity is an immediate association with me being "angry" - because I'm not. I'm not angry with you at all, I'm just hurt by the whole thing and it comes out of my face. Often, the other person will react in a much more flamboyant manner (matching my intensity). There are a few people in my life who are really good at taking my intesity and massaging it down...I love those people.

I've reacted so strongly to some displeasing news that I've made people cry before. yeah. regrets.

and I just discovered I put my boxers on backwards this morning. regrets